I could swear that Wall Drug has billboards up advertising their free ice water as far away as Alaska. The number of highway signs they have is truly insanely astonishing and in every other way mind boggling. I'm not sure there's a road into or out of South Dakota that doesn't bear at least one of their advertisements. And no matter which direction from Wall Drug I drove I still seemed to see them.

As I planned my roadtrip I initially had no inclination to make a stop at the nucleus of all kitsch in the universe. Unfortunately a sign marketing donuts somewhere along the line quickly changed my focus and drew me in like the Death Star's tractor beam did to the Millenium Falcon. I truly couldn't help myself as my car took over and guided me in.

It was early in the day still so the place wasn't quite yet a buzz of activity. All of the neighboring parking lots, as well as many of the spots on the street, were still vacant. I had no issue as I pulled up right in front of the famous store half expecting someone to be standing there waiting for me with donuts in one hand and ice water in another. Alas, it was not to be so I had to set off in search of my breakfast.

I took a few detours through the store, which is actually a collection of several different shops all in one, as I looked for my donut prize. Even the pretty lady beconing me to sit next to her on the bench couldn't stop me. I was a man on a mission and definitely in need of some breakfast.

I felt like a mouse in a maze looking for its cheese as I wandered in and out of the shops looking for my eats. But, who was I to suppress the urge to see a mechanical gorilla playing a piano when the book store lady mentioned it? Like the poster child of ADHD, I had to run to the back of the complex just for a glimpse. I knew it was something I had to see or I would no longer be complete.

Once my primal (primate?) urge was satisfied I quickly picked up the scent again and maybe my way to the cafeteria. I snooped and gawked as I tried to decide what was the best option, finally settling on a bag of a dozen day olds. Yeah, I know, they weren't fresh and all that, but it was such a better deal to get them opposed to just one or two fresh.

Of course, somewhere halfway across South Dakota en route to Minnesota I'll admit that I felt a bit like Jabba the Hutt. The donuts were delicious and worth the stop, as was the rest of the kitsch shops and sites at the store, but man they hurt so good.

Nom, nom, nom...